Odd title I know but bear with me it will all make sense in good time…
My phone rang yesterday during my lunch, which is not unusual, my mother often calls me at lunch. But instead of hearing the snappy little ditty I have programed for most who call me I hear Sonny and Cher belting out a love tune, which can only mean one thing, my ex-husband is calling. First let me say that I know that this is a totally lame tune, but it was our tune. I know that I should change the ringer so it doesn’t play a love song when he calls but those first 3 notes have turned my stomach for so long, every time I hear them I am filled with fear and dread and yet 6 months out of the gate and I haven’t changed the ring tone. I just can’t those three notes also give me a warning that I need to brace myself, there is either a fight or a sob story on the other end and I must be prepared. (Talk about brain damage try to prepare for a fight and a sob story all at once).
Anyways… I pick up the phone, keeping my voice positive as I promised myself (and my mother) that I was going to do. Why don’t you listen in…
SassyBug (yea that’s me): Hello
HIM: (pathetically sad) Hi
SB: What’s going on?
HIM: I got laid off this morning, I just thought I should call and tell you before you heard it else where.
SB: (thinking so maybe he is learning, tell people things before they find out from strangers!) I’m sorry, what happened. (Okay G get mad now, I know I don’t have to care what happens, I don’t have to ask but lets face it my mother raised me to be polite and it is a hell of a habit to break)
HIM: Well Jerky G* told Nosy M* that I had interviewed for that job last week. So they laid me off and said if I didn’t want to be here I shouldn’t be here…
Okay so the rest of the conversation was just as lame and really not important. What is important is that in no way could he BLAME me for this happening to him. He couldn’t blame me and then turn around and expect me to pick up the pieces! Now I am sure that he found away to blame someone for his misfortune but it wasn’t me or if it was I didn’t have to hear about it! He got himself into this mess 100%, when he started this job (or should I say returned to this job) he promised Jerky G that he would stay and that unless his dream job came along he would not interview for another job, that he would stay put unless destiny came calling. So in knowing that why he told Jerky G a week ago that he had interviewed for another lame-o job, a job he didn’t really want, is really beyond me.
Having said all of that, I know that in not caring I should not know this much detail about my ex (or so people tell me) but lets face it I do still care about him about the man I met 10 years ago and fell in love with, the man I have spent the last ten years of my life with. The great thing is again I say he can’t blame me! and he can’t talk his way around and around in circles so that even when it isn’t my fault he makes me believe that it is. Secondly, I get to feel bad that he lost his job, the same as I would for anyone who has lost a job but I don’t have to pick up the pieces of his life. I don’t have to tiptoe around him and say sweet things, I don’t have to tell him that he has worth and value because he can’t believe that for himself, I don’t have to put my life on hold (and I mean totally on hold) because something bad happened to him. And while most wives would be willing to do these things they wouldn’t be willing to do them all while having to shoulder the blame of every bad thing that happens in his life.
It just feels so nice, it is one of the largest reasons I left, I can’t be torn to pieces, he can’t fault me anymore for things that I truly have zero control over.
Ahhhhh
*names have been changed and honestly I don’t think that either one is a jerk or nosy… that is just the tone that the ex implies as he tells his story. I am sure that they are the ones that the blame has fallen on this time, it certainly couldn’t fall on the proper persons shoulders!
